The ups and downs of life after work
Retirement.
It’s the dream, isn’t it?
That longed-for day when you don’t have to work anymore.
Picture this: you’re leaving your “surprise” retirement party, gold watch in hand with pieces of confetti from party-poppers still sticking to your hair.
You have nothing but good times ahead.
And then it hits you.
It may take a while for you to realise it, or you might have seen it coming, but many people’s retirement expectations and retirement realities are vastly different.
Whether work was a chore or a joy for you, retirement can be one of life’s most surprising plot twists.
Maybe you were the CEO of a huge multinational company, a small business owner or a loyal employee who worked for the same company your whole life.
Whatever your work life looked like, your alarm went off daily, your feet hit the floor, and you got dressed and endured the commute to work.
You had a purpose.
You had a reason to be.
People were depending upon you.
And what if you’re not ready for retirement?
What if you don’t want to be put out to pasture yet?
When the time comes to stop working, many people feel like solo travellers on the vast sea of retirement.
It’s like transitioning from the fast lane to a stroll in the park. But many of us still long for the sprint.
I want to share my experience of retirement.
I think it will resonate with many people who aren’t revelling in retirement and who are finding their empty nest difficult to come to terms with.
When retirement comes knocking
Maybe you chose to call it quits at work, or perhaps you were cast aside and forced to retire for one reason or another.
Whatever your circumstances, you probably daydreamed about what you would do in retirement. Cue the yacht, sports car, sleep-ins, and endless social engagements.
It sounds wonderful, right?
But, in truth, retirement can be filled with many empty hours and feel like one of the loneliest periods in your life.
In my case, retirement came earlier than I expected it to.
As a business owner, I was always caught up in the day-to-day hustle and bustle and stress that comes with being self-employed.
When my husband and I decided to sell the part of the business that I managed, I was effectively made redundant, and I guess I didn’t fully understand what the ramifications of that decision would be.
The truth is, I’ve struggled with being retired and having grown children who have flown the nest hasn’t made it any easier. Throw in the fact that my husband continued to work, and we made a “tree change” moving to a part of regional Victoria (something many people do when they retire), and you have a perfect recipe for feeling bereft. And I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way.
I swapped a busy workplace, filled with chatty colleagues and a healthy dose of gossip, for a quiet, empty house. And sometimes the silence is deafening.
I think that it’s important that we talk about the challenges we face in retirement. And I want to stress that the ramifications of these challenges are not small or inconsequential.
My journey led me to quite a cheerless place and this ultimately landed me with depression and in the care of a psychologist (which I wholeheartedly recommend to anyone feeling the same way).
Making a move in retirement
Many retirees sell up their city or suburban homes and move to rural or regional areas in Australia.
This can be to cash in on their property investments and put a bit more money into the retirement kitty. Or because living life at a slower pace sounds idyllic. Or just because it’s a time when people make big changes in their lives because they need something to do.
I moved to regional Victoria and bought a historic home called Sleat Bank. It was supposed to be my passion project – renovating the home and setting it up as accommodation and a place where children with disabilities could come and experience country life. But renovations only take up so much time and the way I was feeling, it was hard to motivate myself to do much of anything.
Why?
Because although the idea of moving to a rural area is wonderful, a shift in location comes with its own set of unique difficulties.
The main one?
When you move, you don’t take your whole life with you. You leave friends and family behind. You can end up in a whole new world without the company of others. This creates feelings of isolation and loneliness. I found myself going back to where we used to live to try and catch up with people because I missed the social connection.
Making friends is easier if you have young kids or when you’re younger yourself.
There’s the chance to meet and make friends with people at school drop off and pick up.
There’s the ability to join a touch football or netball team to meet people with similar interests.
These connections are harder to forge as you get older.
At my age, friendship groups have been forged a long time ago and I felt like a bit of an outsider.
None of these issues are things you want to think about as you approach retirement, but I think it’s important to share them.
Our parents don’t prepare us for the downs of retirement, yet so many people experience them.
I hope that by sharing my story you can transition into retirement with some strategies that make your post-work life happier and more fulfilling.
The post-retirement blues
I know I’ve sounded like a pessimist. It would be easy to turn a blind eye and say, “That won’t happen to me”, and I hope it doesn’t. But if it does, you’ll need some plans tucked into your back pocket to deal with life as a retiree.
It’s incredibly important to manage your mental health. If you find yourself in a place with very little joy and almost no motivation to do anything, seek professional help. Nothing you do to make friends or fill your life up will work if you are depressed. So, step one, be aware of how you’re feeling and talk to an expert if you think you’ve crossed the line from sad and lost to depressed.
Your psychologist might be able to suggest making plans to change your life and therefore change your mindset. But if you’re not working with someone who is addressing your depression at the same time, it will be difficult to achieve them.
Once I admitted I was depressed, I immediately felt lighter. I knew what was wrong and I could take steps to get better.
My strategies for living life after retirement
I’ve taken a variety of steps to make my life richer, and to be more content.
I’ve thrown myself into golf. Was I a golfer before I retired?
Not really.
But I’ve met some nice people through golf. And as a bit of a hint, lots of retired people play golf!
I’ve taken on a job volunteering at an event this year. This gives me a sense of purpose and helps to keep me busy.
I’ve joined a committee associated with the local Saleyards. Again, this has given me a sense of purpose, it has brought some structure to my life and lets me socialise with others.
Will these activities work for you?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
The trick is to find the activities that light your fire.
That might be dusting off the reading glasses and joining a book club.
It might mean buying yourself some watercolours and paintbrushes and unlocking your inner Picasso.
Maybe gardening is your thing.
Perhaps buying yourself a runabout boat and picnicking on quiet, undiscovered beaches is the answer.
Doing things that bring you happiness can chase away the loneliness that occasionally sneaks in.
Making new friends
I know I said it was hard to make new friends, but it’s not impossible. It’s a matter of being brave and putting yourself out there.
But where can you find these people?
There’s a world of opportunity for meeting new like-minded people, you just have to figure out what’s right for you.
That might be:
- Volunteering at the local animal shelter
- Taking up line dancing
- Diving into online communities
- Discovering quirky groups like the Red Hat Society or joining your local men’s shed
Sure, isolation can sometimes feel like it’s plotting against you, but there’s a world of opportunity out there.
So, engage in activities that bring you joy, and not only will you banish the loneliness but stumble upon unexpected friendships and support networks.
Go boldly (but not blindly) into retirement
Retirement might seem like navigating unchartered waters, but you’re not alone in this adventure. Many people are going through the same thing.
Sometimes, we find our true selves in those moments of vulnerability.
Embrace the surprises. Life’s twists and turns can be the spice of life you’ve always yearned for.
Find humour in everyday things.
Seek out connections with people that fill your day with companionship.
Put on your brightest smile, take a deep breath, and get ready for the unexpected.
Who knows what fantastic adventures await?
And if your journey takes you our way, come and see us at SleatBank.
Wishing you all the best,
Harriet